Understanding the Stages of Grief
Grief is a natural response to loss, encapsulating the emotional suffering one feels when something or someone the individual loves is taken away. The process of grieving is both personal and complex. No two people experience it exactly the same way. Recognizing the stages of grief can aid in understanding the bereavement process, both for those who are grieving and for those who wish to support them.
The Five Stages of Grief
Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced what we now know as the five stages of grief in her 1969 book "On Death and Dying." These stages include:
1. Denial
In the denial stage, individuals believe the diagnosis or loss is somehow mistaken, and cling to a false, preferable reality.
2. Anger
As the masking effects of denial begin to wear, reality and its pain re-emerge. The intense emotion is deflected from our vulnerable core, redirected and expressed instead as anger. The anger may be aimed at inanimate objects, complete strangers, friends, or family. Anger may also be directed at our dying or deceased loved one.
3. Bargaining
The normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability is often a need to regain control through a series of “If only” statements, such as "If only we had sought medical attention sooner" or "If only we got a second opinion."
4. Depression
Sadness sets in as the person begins to understand the certainty of the loss and its effect on his or her life. Signs of depression include sleep issues, changes in appetite, and a lack of energy or interest which might interfere with everyday activities.
5. Acceptance
This stage is marked by withdrawal and calm. This is not a period of happiness and must be distinguished from depression. Grievers who reach this stage of mourning have come to accept the reality of their loss, which cannot be changed.
Although commonly referenced in the context of personal loss, these stages are applicable to other life-altering situations such as career setbacks, relationship breakdowns, or major health issues.
Supporting Someone Through the Stages of Grief
Supporting someone who is grieving can feel overwhelming; however, your support is crucial. Here are some ways you can offer your help through each stage:
During Denial
Offer a sympathetic ear and acknowledge the person's pain. Help them to gently confront reality without forcing them to acknowledge the loss before they're ready.
During Anger
Allow them to express their anger. Stay patient and non-judgmental as their anger is not personal but a natural part of their grief process.
During Bargaining
Listen attentively and empathize. Avoid dismissing their feelings and instead show understanding and compassion.
During Depression
Encourage them to express their sadness. Be there for them. Simple acts such as providing meals or doing household chores can be significantly helpful.
During Acceptance
Support their adjustment to the new normal. Allow them to discuss their feelings and memories, and encourage them to adopt new routines at their own pace.
Remember, supporting someone through grief is about offering your presence and patience. Each person's journey through these stages may vary in length and intensity, so continuous, compassionate support is essential.
